I read somewhere that we as humans continuously search for something that makes us feel something. For me I search for something that will make me feel anything - like at all - and it's something I struggle with. I am a Christian and do believe in God; however, I always find myself struggling. Glennon Doyle wrote in her book Carry on, Warrior that "He [God] gives us lots and lots of tries. God is Forever Tries. I think He sends our healing partners in all different forms, not just spouses (Side note: this doesn't necessarily pertain to me). He sends sisters, girlfriends, strangers, authors, artists, teachers, therapists, musicians, and puppies until one or several partners stick. But if we want redemption, we have to let one stick, eventually."
This seems true. As a lover of reading, I know that I often find that I will lose myself almost entirely in the book that I'm reading. It's like I don't know how to handle my own emotions, so I find myself trying to experience and feel those of someone else. Honestly it sucks. Why? Because I want and I wish that I could feel what I feel whenever I read in book in every day life, but I can't.
I feel alone even when I'm not. I know I'm not alone, but I find that I get trapped inside my head and the minute emotions in it, and I can't escape. Due to this I do things that I later regret, all because while I'm doing those things I'm numb - body and soul. How messed up is that?
Sometimes I find myself considering to write down these feelings that I have; however, I find that I lose the urge or don't know how to express how I'm feeling. I want to, I just can't.
Can't. A word that I say all the time, even when I know I am fully capable of doing something. It's sad that it's easier for me to say that I can't do something, than that I can and don't believe in myself. My confidence is most definitely lacking...I try to build it up, but then I do something stupid and I tear myself back down.
Change. Today is the first step for that...today is the first day in my journey to better my mind, body, and soul. You truly ARE your own worst enemies, but now I've decided to be my best friend and biggest supporter.
"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." -A Cinderella Story
Although I'm afraid to slip off the wagon, I'm not going to let the negativity in my head stop me from becoming a happier person.
This seems true. As a lover of reading, I know that I often find that I will lose myself almost entirely in the book that I'm reading. It's like I don't know how to handle my own emotions, so I find myself trying to experience and feel those of someone else. Honestly it sucks. Why? Because I want and I wish that I could feel what I feel whenever I read in book in every day life, but I can't.
I feel alone even when I'm not. I know I'm not alone, but I find that I get trapped inside my head and the minute emotions in it, and I can't escape. Due to this I do things that I later regret, all because while I'm doing those things I'm numb - body and soul. How messed up is that?
Sometimes I find myself considering to write down these feelings that I have; however, I find that I lose the urge or don't know how to express how I'm feeling. I want to, I just can't.
Can't. A word that I say all the time, even when I know I am fully capable of doing something. It's sad that it's easier for me to say that I can't do something, than that I can and don't believe in myself. My confidence is most definitely lacking...I try to build it up, but then I do something stupid and I tear myself back down.
Change. Today is the first step for that...today is the first day in my journey to better my mind, body, and soul. You truly ARE your own worst enemies, but now I've decided to be my best friend and biggest supporter.
"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." -A Cinderella Story
Although I'm afraid to slip off the wagon, I'm not going to let the negativity in my head stop me from becoming a happier person.